Great Moments in Bible History
Number 37
“I’m Sorry”
Jacob was scared—and he had good reason to be. His brother Esau was coming to meet him with 400 men. Twenty years earlier Jacob had sinned against Esau. When he learned that his father was going to bless Esau (Isaac’s favorite son), Jacob pretended to be Esau and got the blessing his father had intended to give his brother. Esau was so angry that he made up his mind that as soon as his father Isaac died, he would kill Jacob. Jacob ran away and lived with his uncle while he hoped Esau’s anger would cool down. But he hadn’t seen or heard from Esau in 20 years.
During those 20 years, though, Jacob had learned how it felt to be deceived and wronged. His uncle lived for money and worked to take advantage of Jacob whenever he could. After experiencing a few of Laban’s tricks, Jacob learned how it felt to be tricked. He probably wished he could go back in time and do things differently with regard to Esau. That, of course, was not possible, but he could certainly do what he could to show Esau he was sorry and to try to make up for what he had done. Before their meeting Jacob had worked to say he was sorry. He had sent presents to Esau consisting of hundreds of valuable animals. But Esau had not given him any reply. Perhaps Esau hadn’t even decided whether he would accept the gifts or how he would treat Jacob when he met him again.
The reason Jacob was returning to Canaan was because God had told him to. To someone who believed in God, that would be very encouraging. Surely God would not send him back only to be wiped out by Esau’s army of 400. Just the night before Esau’s arrival Jacob had had a life-changing encounter with God. Somehow he had gotten into a wrestling match with a stranger. By the end of that match he realized that the stranger was actually God in human form. The lesson God wanted him to learn was that throughout Jacob’s life he had been working against God instead of with Him. When he had tricked his father into giving him the blessing, it must have seemed to him that he was doing the right thing. After all, God had earlier told him that “the older (i.e. Esau) shall serve the younger (i.e. Jacob)” (Genesis 25:23). The blessing Isaac intended to give to Esau was the exact opposite of God’s intention. Jacob viewed it as an emergency. At all cost he must prevent his father from blessing the wrong son. But you cannot help God out by sinning. And where do we ever get the idea that God needs to be helped?
By the end of that wrestling match Jacob seemed to have learned the lesson. As a reminder and a sign of what he would be in the future, God changed his name from Jacob to Israel. “Israel” can be interpretted as “he strives with God” or “God strives.” Jacob had been striving with God all the time he thought he was helping God out. After that experience he was much more willing to let God do the striving while he acted in true faith in God. He did not become perfect, of course, but his behavior was markedly different from what it had been prior to that midnight experience.
When Esau and his 400 men approached, Jacob lined up his wives in order, each with her children. “He himself went on before them, bowing himself to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother” (Genesis 33:3). Bowing to the ground in front of someone else is what people in that society did before kings. Jacob was showing by his actions that he was Esau’s servant. That was the opposite of what was said in the blessing he had stolen from Esau 20 years earlier. He was trying to act out in the clearest terms that he was sorry for what he had done to Esau.
Now it was Esau’s turn. How was he going to respond to Jacob’s “I’m sorry”? The next verse tells us: “But Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept.” Wow! Instead of angrily slaughtering his entire family, Esau was so touched that he hugged Jacob and cried on his neck. What a relief for Jacob. It was a relief not just because he was going to live, but because his conscience would no longer have to constantly remind him of the sin he had done against his brother.
“Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!” (Psalm 133:1)
Seeing the Face of God
Before the meeting between Jacob and Esau, Jacob had sent several of his servants ahead of him to meet Esau. Each of those servants had a herd of animals to give Esau as a present. One of the first questions Esau asked Jacob after their tearful meeting was, “What do you mean by all this company that I met?” (Genesis 33:8) Jacob replied, “To find favor in the sight of my lord.” Esau didn’t want to accept the gift. “I have enough, my brother; keep what you have for yourself.”
We appreciate Esau’s attitude. It appears that he was trying to meet Jacob halfway. In the case of the stolen blessing, though, Jacob was the sinner and Esau was the one wronged. In order for peace to be reestablished, they each have a different role they must play. Jacob’s job was to say, “I’m sorry,” and truly mean it. He did that by sending the gifts and by bowing down seven times in front of Esau. Esau did not need to say, “I’m sorry” to Jacob. His job was to forgive and accept Jacob again as his brother.
Jacob understood this. He really wanted to know that Esau had forgiven him. “No, please, if I have found favor in your sight, then accept my present from my hand. For I have seen your face, which is like seeing the face of God, and you have accepted me” (Genesis 33:10). No one has ever seen God’s face, but to Jacob, having Esau forgive him was like seeing the face of God.
Jacob continued, “Please accept my blessing that is brought to you, because God has dealt graciously with me, and because I have enough.” When Jacob said, “because God has dealt graciously with me,” he showed that he understood the true source of this marvelous reconciliation.
The reason peace is lacking on earth is because of sin. When Adam and Eve first sinned, they started blaming everyone except themselves for what they had done. That destroyed peace. Ever since that time sin has been destroying peace between nations, peace between different families, and peace even within families. When people turn to God in faith and real repentance, God can and often does make peace where it was totally lacking. We humans cannot make peace by ourselves, but if we let God work in our lives, He can bring about that most marvelous result. We too can see a previously estranged brother “like seeing the face of God.”
Trying to Help God Out?
Jacob is not the only person who has ever tried to “help God out” with behavior that is the opposite of what God wants. Even Christians who ought to know better do this far more than we would like to admit.
You would think that a congregation of God’s people (a church) would be one of the most peaceful places on earth, but too often it is nowhere near that. When church problems arise, it is too easy to convince ourselves that the cause of Christ is at stake and we must take action and let the chips fall where they may. Certainly, we must faithfully stand for Christ. Unfortunately, we do not do a very good job of distinguishing between standing for Christ and defending our own honor. Things can be said and done in a church that really stir us up. We are strongly tempted to respond with, “I don’t have to take that!”
We need to remember that “the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (James 1:20). It is true that we really may have been sinned against, but when we respond in anger, we are not helping God out, nor are we standing up for Christ.
If we really want to stand up for Christ, we need to learn to behave like He did. “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). Instead of trying to “help God out” we would do much better to let God handle it, like Jesus did.
Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible.